Healing chronic heartache requires you to be an artist…an architect of your brain. Find moments of beauty to stir the stagnant parts of your frozen mind. As you consciously make choices that support your health and healing, your mind will respond to your tender care.
Outlined in my book Ready to Heal are four beliefs about love and sex that women inherit from Disney land culture (McDaniel, 2008, pp. 29-40). In chapter two, I explain how fantasy images of women create an “inescapable” impasse, a sexual double bind. When conflicting rules collide, and choice A or choice B is wrong, women will hide or rage. How have you hidden your beauty? Or used it for pseudo power? What choice did you have? Do you have different choices now?
With the approach of autumn comes a season of beauty…a time for walking in nature’s jewel tones. Consider outdoor moments so the changing leaves can penetrate places you feel achy or alone.
Young neurological systems can’t develop without the gentle gaze of a loving adult. The infant brain requires programming from caregiver facial expressions to develop healthy neurons. So if your mother was depressed, often angry, always distracted, or couldn’t stay with you, your brain is accustomed to suffering. Suffering is normal—sending you strength to curate the support you need and deserve.
Did you know that beauty is a basic pleasure? Our body responds to it viscerally … if you see something beautiful today, notice how your body responds, and prolong the moment if you wish.
Mother Hunger® (MH) is a silent epidemic that goes undiagnosed and unnamed, leaving women in a fog as they sort through symptoms of despair. Despair masquerades as rage, shame, and/or hopelessness and is frequently misunderstood as depression.
Isolation hurts. It literally damages the brain. Think of loneliness as a health risk, and do what you can to find your way out of isolation.
Identifying Mother Hunger® is the most challenging work some of us will do in this lifetime. My research and clinical work focuses on naming this painful first heartbreak so that we can find a pathway to heal. There are many psychological and cultural roadblocks that inhibit naming this terrible heartache, so we must be patient with ourselves as we navigate shame or a sense of betrayal as we climb out of the cycle of hopelessness or despair.
Sometimes, it’s easier to look away from our internal world. The pain there is too hot to touch, to know, or to feel. So we focus on externals, and if they aren’t going the way we like, we judge, we blame, or we might go numb. Essentially, we get lost. This is when we need a comforting, grounding “other” to help us return to ourselves. Who is this person for you?
The difference between solitude and isolation isn’t always evident. Chronic loneliness starts young for women who didn’t find refuge with their mothers.